Disciplining Children

There are some disciplines that are politically correct today that I think cause children harm. These modern ideas have evolved from a misguided attempt to avoid physical punishment at any cost. They include putting a child in a corner and sending him or her to their room.

Native Americans feared shunning more than any other kind of punishment and there is good reason for this. Punishment taught a person that their behavior was not wanted. Shunning told a person that THEY were not wanted. Having a child put their face in a corner or sending them to their room alone are both forms of shunning. Sending a child away may be 10% effective in telling them you don't like their behavior, but the other 90% is saying that you don't like them.

When my mother used that willow switch on me, here's how it went.

1. She let me know what I had done wrong. "You ran out in the street after I told you to stop. You could have been killed!" After which she "nettled" my legs with that switch a couple of times. "I'm sorry, Mom," I cried. (I didn't like that switch). "I won't do it again! I promise!"

2. She reinforced the lesson and made sure I understood what I was being punished for. "You won't do what again?" she asked as she nettled me a little more. "I won't run out in the street again!" I replied, trying to squirm away.

3. She reinforced it again. "You sure?" she asked as she nettled me a little more. "Yes! Yes! I'm sure! I promise!" I cried. "I'll never run out in the street again!"

4. "All right," she said sternly. "I love you and I don't want you to be squashed like a bug by a car. If I catch you out there again, I'll get another switch!

She accepted my promise and the punishment ended -- with an admonition of love and a warning about further misbehavior. It lasted all of 30 seconds. It didn't drag on over a long time with the associated stress associated with keeping a child in a corner or in their room. I went right back to playing while Mom made me a sandwich.

She never "beat" me and she only had to use that switch a few times my whole life -- the threat was enough. She gained my respect with that switch and she gained my love with the reason she used it. She didn't whack me with a baseball bat. I wasn't bruised or bloodied and I had no cigarette burns. It was quick, loving, and effective. I come away knowing two things.

1. I was valuable to her (she loved me).

2. I'd better not go out in the street again.

I had a few narrow welts on my legs from that willow switch, but they faded away quickly. The lessons I learned -- that I was valuable and that I should not play in the street -- I still remember today.

Thank you, Ma, and I'm very proud of you.