Leadership in Marriage

I don't know if I'm a "leadership husband" or not. My wife and I have been happily and lovingly married for going on 35 years. Way back when we were married in a little Baptist church, the general concensus was that men and women had different God-given roles in marriage. I guess my wife and I entered into our marriage just accepting this as the way things should be.

I know a little more about human nature now than I did back then. In general, due to biology, culture and tradition, most females can handle male dominance better than males can handle female dominance. Sometimes this works out just great. Sometimes it doesn't.

For one of the first (maybe the only) time in human history, females have a good chance of surviving just fine without a male. This has created an entirely new social order that finds itself overlaying the old one -- and they are not always compatible.

In every relationship between two people, one person will be both stronger and weaker than the other. If we give one person blanket authority over the other, problems can and will occur -- especially today in our enlightend age.

What makes a marriage work? Certainly not because the male is in charge. A marriage will last when each person cares as much or more for their mate as they do for themselves -- and I am not talking about sex. I'm talking about self-sacrifice, and not just for the male or the female, but mutually.

This mutual caring and self-sacrifice defines real love. It does not set expectations for our spouse and expecting him or her to live up to them.

So, do I believe in "leadership marriage"? Sure, if you mean letting whoever is best qualified in whatever is happening at the moment lead. If you mean "forcing" roles upon men and women, then no, I don't. It won't work in today's world and it never worked smoothly in that of our forefathers'.