Gender Roles

In my 55 years, I have seen a lot of changes in how our society views women. I lived through these changes, so to me they are not academic. Most of society today accepts the fact that women are capable of skills far beyond cooking, sewing and changing diapers. However, I believe the real change in people's thinking is not about what women "could" do, but what they "should" do.

My dad, who was born in 1906, had no doubts about my mother's abilities. He also had no problem with a woman who chose to have a career other than motherhood -- if she could find one. He did believe that if a woman chose to be a mother, that should be her full-time career. He believed that it was the responsibility of the father to be the provider as long as he was able.

For a man born in 1906 times were much different than today. Making a living during his time, for most people, involved hard physical labor and long hours. Career opportunities as we know them today did not exist for women -- not because of male chauvinist pigs, but because modern technology was in its infancy. So let's not be too judgmentally harsh on our fathers and grandfathers. Most of them worked until their fingers (literally) bled to provide for their wives and children. Much of what appears to be male-domination and repression back then was not that at all. It was behavior required for the survival of our species.

For this reason and many others, we should honor our old fathers, mothers, grandfathers and grandmothers -- and not be armchair disparaging quarterbacks. Without their very real hardships, sacrifices and "ways", many daughters of today would not have the career opportunities nor the luxury to be critics -- because they would not be here.

Back to the roles of women today. Ignorance is harmful. Therefore, knowing that women are just as capable as men in most things is a good thing. Forcing males and females into roles that millions of years of evolution did not prepare them for is not. Let's not "throw the baby out with the bathwater."

Technology has freed up both men and women in many ways. Due to less extreme demands and more opportunities, I believe in many cases it is possible today for a woman to pursue a career and be a good mother at the same time. But let's try to keep the pendulum at equilibrium and not let it swing too far the other direction. Ignorance and harm lies both ways.

Years ago, stay-at-home mothers were more respected than career women. Today, a woman feels embarrassed to "admit" she's "just a housewife" or stay-at-home mother. The feeling is that if she does not have her own career outside the home, she should be pursuing one. This is an unfortunate backlash of the women's movement towards equal opportunity.

To accept one fact (women are not inferior to men) at the expense of another (women and men have different evolutionary advantages, both physical and mental) is not healthy for our society today and our children of tomorrow. Let's not replace one harmful ignorance with another. And let us also use our intelligence and wisdom to understand some dynamics about ideas and changes.

First, concepts like "sexism" are not static. Any age or culture can only define such concepts for themselves. It is very difficult and usually arrogantly presumptious to try and define them for another age or culture.

Second, whether changes will ultimately be good or bad can only be judged by hindsight. Nature programmed life to be very suspicious of change for good reason. Most changes, like most mutations, are not beneficial to a species. We are sometimes quick to label people who are conservative and resist change as stupid or worse. We should all keep in mind that, although it might be time for a change, what was before just may have been what was needed and not think badly of those who resist.